Sorry: Is it the most difficult word to say?

Washik

How often have you seen a Bangalee say "sorry"?

Does it help that there is no translation for the word "sorry" in Bangla? The closest we come to it is "dukhkhito" (I am sad), or maybe "bhul korsi" (I made a mistake). But apart from that English word, there is no other way to express succinctly our apologies for having made a mistake.

Is that why we, as a nation, tend not to apologise?

I believe not: if we can incorporate words such as "chair" and "pencil", why not use the word "sorry" whenever necessary?

A friend of mine once explained that he does not ever apologise. "If you kill a man, and then you say sorry, what good does that do?" he asks.

I commend the sentiment, if he believes that it is better to try to never commit an offence, than to be a repeat offender and repenter. But it is innate nature for all of us to try to stay on the whiter side of grey areas. Despite our efforts, it is impossible for us to escape from making a few mistakes in our lifetimes, and then becoming aware, soon afterwards, that those were mistakes.

Why is it then that the majority of Bangladeshis, after becoming aware of their irreversible mistakes, refuse to apologise for them?

Having refused to apologise, most people also refuse to appear as obstinate and insensitive as they actually are, and simply deny acknowledging thit they made any mistake whatsoever. This situation of a person's refusing to admit that he/she is merely mortal and prone to err, has led to the innumerable times that offenders try to justify their behaviour, try to blame the consequences on someone else, or simply deny that they were the perpetuator of the offence.

I think this situation on refusing to apologise is unique to us Bangalees: in any other part of the world, the word "sorry" is quite a common one to hear.

From minor offences, from accidentally scratching a person's car (which leads to the quite common Dhaka scenario of equally-indignant drivers, rickshawallahs and by-standers engaging in a scuffle in the middle of the road) to more grievous ones, such as arresting innocent juveniles, we seem incapable, as a nation, of admitting to our faults.

It is hard to explain why this should be so. Perhaps we feel some sense of insecurity, and fear |hat admitting to any flaw in our own self would be the equivalent of dealing, simultaneously, a great blow to our egos, our sense of self-worth, and the supposed high opinion that others hold of us.

It is often hard for us to see beyond the present moment. Like little children stealing cookies, we persist in believing that everyone else will continue to think that we are angels if we refuse to admit to our wrongs: even when we are caught with our hand in the jar, we engage in elaborate denences and denials.

However, what we fail to see is that there is life beyond the present moment. Admitting our blunders will not automatically paint us with tar and soot. While some may be shocked and disappointed to hear of our offences, people are more likely to respect us in the long run, for having the courage to admit to our imperfections. Whether it is a business, casual or personal relationship, apologies, when necessary, can help to improve or mend the relationship. And, by apologising, we are able to face our faults unswervingly and boldly, and learn from them for our future.

Perhaps there are many who would think that I am engaging in much ado about nothing. After all, hy should apologies be so necessary? When one has committed a mistake, it is over and done with: there is no point in crying over spilt milk.

I do not, however, believe that apologies, like any other part of civilized manners, can be so easily forgotten. Rather than destroying it, they are essential to preserving our own sense of worth, and placating an injured one.

As humans, we are shocked when oppressors do not apologise for their oppressions, when world leaders refuse to apologise for genocide. As a nation, we are still waiting for a proper apology for the war crimes perpetuated during our Liberation War.

Why, then, should we try to diminish the importance of apologies in our personal lives?